Over the last several years, more and more toxic and unhealthy leadership has been exposed and addressed. There are documentaries, plenty of YouTube videos, and so much social media content discussing these unhealthy leaders. The truth is that each of those leaders is human. They are all capable of error and sin just like the rest of us. That said, whether you are a church leader or an attendee, you will likely want to stay away from these types of leaders and churches. Here, we discuss 10 scary church leadership qualities you want to avoid:
1. Control
Unfortunately, control is far too common among church leaders. You will generally find this in churches where the leaders do everything. Where there is little delegation, team effort, and open feedback loops, you will often find control. This can happen for various reasons. Sometimes, we find control happens because of insecurity in the leader. Other times, it’s simply poor leadership or a lack of development in the leader or others.
No matter the reason, overly controlling leaders are always unhealthy. When a leader is controlling, underdeveloped people often can’t think for themselves or function without the leader.
2. Gossip
Proverbs 18:8, “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts.” Gossip is one of the easiest traps to fall into as a leader. Leaders are often privy to details about others, and many love to share them. No matter the context, sharing private details of someone else’s life is gossip. Information about others may be appealing, like choice morsels, but they sink into your heart and affect more of your life than you realize.
Socrates said, “Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.” While many may feel they are well-intentioned in sharing details of the lives of others, gossip is still damaging, no matter what the motive. As leaders, each of us must guard against gossip very carefully. We must not share details about others, and we also cannot entertain gossip conversations.
3. Passivity
A passive leader is scary because it simply means you’re going nowhere quickly. Reserved and passive leaders are generally disconnected and seemingly uninterested in things. This is alarming for many reasons. One is that their interest is going somewhere, but not to the church they are leading. What are they focused on? Where are they heading? How does that impact the church? Secondly, passivity in leaders is a scary quality because it means your organization is not moving forward. Try to avoid this church leadership quality at all costs.
4. Dishonesty
Lying is a terrible quality in leadership. Sadly, many do it. Perhaps it is not intentional, but even slight exaggerations are dishonest at their core. Proverbs 12:22 says, “The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.” God will rely on people who are trustworthy and honest. We should value the same. Whether you are a leader or a church member, honesty is vital to the church’s overall health. When we think about dishonest church leaders, many of us think about leaders who exaggerate attendance or financial numbers, but even the smallest lies will impact your life and your church.
5. Greed
Poverty and Christianity are not synonymous, as many would like to believe, but greed and Christianity shouldn’t be either. When you find that you or your leader are motivated by money, doing a heart check may be a good idea. Do I steward money, or does money own me? Am I constantly thinking about money, more, and gaining possessions?
1 Timothy 6:10 (NLT), “For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.” If we aren’t careful, money can rule us and produce idolatry, pride, greed, and so many things. Money itself is not evil, but our constant need and craving for it is what will get in the way every time.
6. Lack of Vulnerability
A leader who is not vulnerable and open about their own personal weaknesses and struggles is a scary leader. This is a big church leadership quality that you want to avoid. Is the leader always put together? Are things always great in their lives? Do they open up about their own struggles publicly or privately? When you have conversations with them, is it all about what’s wrong with you, or are they vulnerable and open with you as well? These are important questions to ask about your leaders.
If you are a leader, do you ever share your weaknesses with others? Are you open and honest about your insecurities, tough lessons you’re learning, or recent failures? Are you willing to publicly and privately talk about the honest state of your life?
Vulnerability is what keeps us humble and accountable to others. Unfortunately, so many leaders avoid being vulnerable. Some believe they have to present themselves perfectly, while others simply don’t want to be seen for who they truly are. No matter the reasoning, a lack of vulnerability is a scary trait in any leader. Generally speaking, it is a sign that there may be things underneath the surface. If not today, then there will be in the future. Sin grows in darkness, but vulnerability is a healthy spotlight on our darkest places.
7. Self-reliance
Leadership is not about having all and being all. It is about empowering and developing others. So, a leader who only relies on themselves is a dangerous leader. They aren’t really leading in a healthy way. In addition, these are the leaders who are often not humble before God, allowing Him to help as well. The best combat is a leader who wants to work with God and others. Leaders need to be humble, realizing they can’t do everything alone!
8. Comparison/Competition
Constant comparison or competition with others is a nightmare in leadership. You will not always be the best or on top, but others won’t either. When we compare and compete, we stop striving to be who God has called us to be and start trying to become someone else. Being better or ahead of someone else should never be the goal. Compare and compete with yourself, but not with others.
9. Manipulation
Manipulation is a very strong word and is definitely a church leadership quality you want to avoid. Many of us are apprehensive to use it to describe someone, while others throw it around too often. Truthfully, many leaders can display manipulative tendencies, but we don’t always recognize it. Are they never to blame? Do they allow others to disagree with them? Do things always have to be and go their way? Many manipulative leaders are very charming, and it isn’t easily recognized. Some manipulative leaders use their spirituality or biblical knowledge as a tool to get people to do things their way. Be very careful around leaders like this and fight hard not to be this kind of a leader.
10. Inaccessibility
Leaders cannot be available to every single person all of the time. They are human and have limits, but they also cannot effectively lead people they aren’t connecting with. Sadly, in churches now, there is a celebrity mindset among leaders. There are some who feel they do not need to spend time with the people in the church but instead should be doing more important things. That is an unfortunate myth. The people of your church are the most important thing! As a leader, make yourself available for coffee meetings, lunches, or a brief conversation on Sunday mornings after your service.
Toxic and unhealthy leaders produce hurt, pain, and trauma in those who are following them. Healthy leaders help others find Jesus and discover healing and wholeness in Him alone. As you look at your leadership, do you fit any scary qualities? If so, you can make adjustments now and see a change in your leadership and life. Our leadership on Earth is now about us, but it is for a higher Kingdom with eternal promises! Lead in health and watch how Jesus impacts the lives of those around you in a big way.
