So, you’re thinking about leaving your church job? Let’s face it, that’s never an easy decision. For many of us, church positions are more than just jobs. When you took the position, chances are that it was because you loved serving in your church, identified with the mission and vision deeply, and felt a call to ministry or to be a part of what was going on. Generally, when you then find yourself needing to quit your job, it’s because something has shifted. It could be that vision is different, and you no longer see yourself in it. Other times, it’s because things have gone poorly in one way or another, and you feel the need to move on.
No matter what the reasoning for your leaving may be, here are 5 ways you can quit your church job gracefully:
1. Be honest
Many times when we’re in this situation, in the name of not hurting anyone, we don’t share openly and honestly about why we’re quitting. If it’s because you were offered a great position outside of the church, share that. Did you get a ministry offer in another city? Share that. Are you upset about things you’re seeing in the church? Share that. Honesty is really important. If you don’t share honestly and openly, you will leave your pastor and other leaders to wonder and imagine what may have happened. This is generally what then opens the door for assumptions and misunderstandings. If possible, it’s also helpful to process what you’re planning to say with a counselor or a trusted outside voice.
2. Be honoring
Honor is important to God, so it should be important to us. In my many years of church ministry, I’ve seen people honor others on their way out. Sadly, however, I’ve also seen people pour gasoline, light a match, and throw it as they walk out the door. You get to decide what kind of person you want to be. Are you someone with integrity and grace? Are you just trying to prove a point or expose someone? Ask yourself the hard questions about the “why” so that you can respond graciously and in love no matter what you may receive in return.
Another really great way to honor on your way out is to pray. Ask God to give you wisdom and help you leave in an honorable way. Pray for the church, pastors, and leaders. Prayer is one of the best ways to keep your heart right and end things the right way.
3. Get counsel from outside wise voices
Truthfully, this should be the first step taken before you decide to leave. When you find yourself in this position, it’s so important to get wisdom from others. You want to talk to people who have been in this situation before or to someone who can help you see your own blind spots. It is important to talk with outside voices because they will be able to give you an unbiased perspective on how you can make this transition well. Since leaving a church job is generally a more involved process than leaving another job, it’s helpful to weigh things out with someone who can confirm that you are making the right move before you start taking the steps. It’s important not just to get counsel from a trusted outside voice but to actually do what they say.
Hearing counsel and putting it into practice are two different things. Putting into practice what is being advised will help you leave in a gracious way.
4. Don’t take anyone with you
Chances are, you’ve experienced a church split at some point in your life or know someone else who has. This doesn’t need to be you. When you leave a church job, take extra precautions to avoid taking people with you. In other words, make this your own decision without involving others. At times, it can be hard to keep your processing from close friends or coworkers, but it is imperative that you make this decision for yourself and not sway others to do the same. Remember, you are stepping away because of what you think and feel. That may not be someone else’s experience or where someone else is at. It’s too easy to convince others that your problems are also their problems. The reality is that they are not. Fight this temptation. This is especially important if you are leaving because of unhealthy leadership or something that you are not happy about.
Now, this also applies to those who may be leaving their church job but not the church. You don’t want to take people with you. If you got a better opportunity, take it, but don’t invite others from your church team along.
5. Don’t burn bridges
“It’s not over until the fat lady sings!” Ever heard that phrase? It’s certainly true with church relationships. Things can shift and change at any time, which is why it is critical for you not to burn any bridges. Always fight to leave things on good, healthy terms even if they are unfavorable. Perhaps your leaving the job is not desirable to church leadership; still, leave well. You can keep your heart honoring and pure towards others no matter what. If things are ending on bad terms, work hard to forgive. At the end of the day, we are all a part of the Kingdom of God. Even if you’re not on the same church team, you are on the same team working towards the same goal. You never know; you may find yourself back at that same church in the same role or a different role a few years later. That church or those relationships may also be the key to opening future opportunities. You never know what God can do. This is why it’s so important to leave in the best way possible.
Quitting any job is challenging. Quitting a church job can be challenging and extremely complicated. However, following the steps above can be the difference between leaving with complexity and hurt versus leaving with peace and closure.
